I feel like crap all the time lately; My period started and I can't even cross my arms without being in extreme pain. I've been nauseated almost every day for the last two weeks. I can barely summon the energy to pull myself out of bed each morning, and despite spending the day in a state of exhaustion, when I finally do get to bed I can't actually get to sleep til two, three, or even four in the morning. Even when I make up for it by sleeping late on the weekends, I still spend the whole day tired and lolling around with almost no energy to spare. I think it's a combination of hormones and stress, a killer blow if there ever was one. But it's left me with no motivation to do much of anything and is exacerbating the mental exhaustion I'm already deal with.
Since I can't do anything to solve my life problems right now and prayer isn't doing a whole lot, I've been sorely tempted lately to distract myself the best way I know how: retail therapy. But I'm too poor and too tired even for that, so I ended up finding a much more financially responsible activity to try and pull me out of the dumps instead.
I love amulets and talismans, and if I had the money or the space I'd probably own a million of them. Recently I've been thinking over what relatively simple, quick, and unique handmade items I could sell online or at conventions, and my while going through Etsy yesterday I got the idea to include talismans/amulets on the list of possible merch. Among the myriad things Brittany left or forgot when she moved was a big block of Sculpey that had been sitting in the fridge for months, so the most basic materials for talisman-making were already on hand. (Amulets are made from natural materials, so making any of those will depend on what natural items I can find or can scrounge up.)
After work last night I immediately got out the Sculpey and got started. However, after getting my work space (somewhat) clear and getting some clay softened, I was suddenly hesitant. I've been dealing with a lot of hopelessness and frustration and just general negative energy lately, and I've heard a lot about how handmade things can pick up and carry energy depending on how, and with what intent, they were made. Now, I'm not sure I believe that (and I certainly don't buy the idea that you can straight-up "charge" an item with powers or effects) but if there's any validity to it at all, I would hate to make something that would affect the future owner negatively in any way.
But I needn't have worried. I realized that it's the first time in a long time that I've sat down to make something without having to, without a strict guide to follow, or time limit to keep. Being able to just randomly potter about with some clay just because I felt like it was very calming, and I'm sure with such a peaceful creative process that if these do carry any sort of vibe with them, it will be one of pleasure and love.
I worked til fairly late last night since I knew I wouldn't be able to get to sleep anyway, and managed to get about half a dozen pieces scuplted, baked, and primed with a few coats of white paint. I'll work on painting them some more tonight, and maybe sculpt some more pendants as well.